i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Your cock deserves a montage
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
