so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
