i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
