Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
