Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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