franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
