Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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