the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I need a hoe opinion
go on
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize