We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
