I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
He better not be in your backpack
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
