Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
