so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
