There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
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