i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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