Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
