Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Randomize
