so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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