im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
