how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
NoShamevember. You game?
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize