I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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