i'm signing you up for texting rehab
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
