The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
