You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
