i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Randomize
