I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Randomize