I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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