Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
