Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
