but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
