Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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