You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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