"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
