he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
