You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize