So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
