Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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