he shaved USA in his pubs
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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