He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
So. Much. Porn.
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