i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
