and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize