dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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