yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
