i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
