the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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