and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
