Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
