I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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