I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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