apparently the secret to your success is patron
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
