Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
