I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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