I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Randomize
