Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Let's get the cat blown out
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
