I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
