I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I wear drunk well.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
