If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
