I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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