my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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