It's Friday. Sex?
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize