$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
She said her name was "party"
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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