i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
