I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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