Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
