i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
