found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
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