bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
