After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
i dont even know how to be here
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
