I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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