Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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