i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
