i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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