she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
