Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
God, you're like boner-b-gone
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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