Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
