I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
