I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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