She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
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