New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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