i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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