I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
