you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Randomize
