I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
