my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
