Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
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