Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
