i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
