it's too hot outside to masturbate.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize