So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
