i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Randomize
