Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
