If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
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