Are we in a gay sports bar?
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
