How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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