Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
