I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize