Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
