i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Randomize
