you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
