If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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