just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
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