I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
