I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
