Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Randomize
