Little spoons don't ask big questions
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
