I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Randomize
