He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
